Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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