I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
