Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That accounts for only three of the penises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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