D3 body, D1 cock
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk is not a location!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
