Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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