We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
