I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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