Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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