I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
