I wish I could punch you in the face.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
