Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
