Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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