i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can't just leave with hair like that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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