I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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