pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
