Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
