If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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