1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just pynch a tree in the face
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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