not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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