there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
