What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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