i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
