bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize