yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
