Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
