today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
