i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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