They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
