3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
