she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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