Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
