I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
