drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
