it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
