Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you would pick up someone in the library
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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