'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
