Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
