I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
