some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
