It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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