I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
