My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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