Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
