Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
