His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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