WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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