He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
