so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
