I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
