it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
