My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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