I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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