Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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