actually, I'm a sock model
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
