I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
