How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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