Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
