I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
