Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
