Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
