i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
