You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
