She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
